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Unfortunately, nearly one in four men have an affair on their
wives. Although affairs have permanent, damaging effects on a relationship, there is usually a
reason for them. While this does not excuse the affair itself, understanding what might lead men to
cheat on their wife may women help deal with the affair and, in some cases, avoid finding
themselves in the position of finding out that their husband has cheated.
One of the things we need to understand about relationships is what makes them tick. While a
full review of the commitment motivators in a relationship is outside the scope of this article,
there are some quick, clear basics. First off, both men and women come to expect attention in a
relationship. Regardless of how well you cook or how much money you earn, stop paying attention to
your partner and chances are high that they will stray. With this in mind, too much attention can
also push a partner away (maybe not to cheat, however).
Another of the basic commitment motivators is admiration. Although women clearly enjoy
admiration and respect from her man, men are more susceptible to these behaviors. When a woman
stops admiring her man, he is more likely to seek out the admiration of another woman. Now,
admiration comes in many forms. This does not suggest that a woman should be at her man's beck and
call, not at all. Something as simple as reducing or eliminating complaints and naggings could
improve a man's perception of just how much his partner admires and respects him.
What exactly does it mean when a man cheats then? Perhaps he has sensed a lack of admiration,
respect and attention; cheating men claim they are unappreciated by their wives. Often, they claim
they are victims of their wife's lack of interest and attention. One wonders whether the right
amount of admiration, respect and attention would dent the number of cheating men...
Another reason men might cheat is that they understand that their wives are usually extremely
loyal (in contrast to the male statistic, only 14% of women cheat on their spouse). In fact, women
are extremely unlikely to leave after their husband has an affair because they feel their man needs
and wants them. Perhaps it is an inbred motherly instinct, but women are a lot more tolerant after
an affair than a man is. Whether it is a statement of their loyalty, women are also more forgiving.
With divorce statistics as high as they are, this becomes extremely important.
Now, forgiveness is no synonymous with tolerance. Instead, increasing our awareness about
infidelity and some of the factors that lead partners to stray will likely improve the odds of our
partners remaining faithful. By increasing how much attention we give our spouses (by spending more
time with our spouses and taking an interest in their lives), increasing our respect level (by
understanding that our spouses have feelings and deserve respect just as we do) and by showing more
signs of admiration (by thanking them for their contributions even if they are imperfect or fall
short of our high standards) then we should eliminate, or at least reduce, the need that our men
feel to seek attention, respect, and admiration elsewhere.
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