Not too long ago some friends and I were out on our usual....once a month.... excursion at a near-by jazz club. It was ladies night out and we were dressed to impress. We were checking out the latest men's fashions, physiques and attitudes; but that is not all that we were checking out. We were also checking out the other women around us.
On this particular night....I said nothing while I listened to my girl friends tare apart the outfits of the women that walked by. With painstaking blows....one by one...they used their natural resources at their disposals which included an ability of wit and sharpness of mind, making comments that were both right on point and over the top. I also saw other women displaying attitudes of anger, resentment and unkind gestures to one another. If looks could kill....there would be dead female bodies all over the place!
Suddenly, I thought to myself: Why are we so cruel to one another? What is there....deep within us.... that makes us want to put one another down and find fault in one another? Why are we so hard on one another? Why don't we speak and view each other with kindness....tenderness....love, and concern? Secretly I was hoping that we hadn't let these attitudes that we showed to each other.... spill over towards our men folk.
I must admit to you that....often times....I am compelled to say nothing.... but I do sometimes. In more than one occasion I have allowed myself to smile in agreement....in hopes of not isolating myself from my dear, girls friends....while they are....no doubt, voicing their opinions. I know that they mean no real harm towards these strange women....and I certainly can't say ....that I haven't been guilty of female bashing myself....using it as a means of entertaining myself at will.
Although lately, I am more careful than I have been, in the past...not to say or think an unkind word or thought, because.... I know that words and thoughts can come to life. I wish to reprieve any thoughts or deeds that may come back to haunt me. I am working very hard to keep my spirit positive and uplifting. I smile often when passing my female sisters...only to have rolled eyes or looks of displacement and unconcerned forged back at me.
That said: I still think and feel that the way we choose to treat each other is sickening. We ladies.... simply don't have love or respect for one another and it is often times outwardly displayed to the men we choose to date or hang around. It is no wonder that some of our men choose to disrespect us the way they do and some women don't mind dating other women's husbands or boyfriends.
We simply have terrible attitudes and views of one another and because of those attitudes, ways and thoughts we are giving our men away to other women....at will. We need to stop viewing each other as the enemy and therefore, blaming other women and blaming our men for most of the things that we've done and created in our relationships. In saying so: I must note....that there are always exceptions to the rule. For surely there are some real dogs and cats out there....and it would deem to make no difference what you say or do...they simply won't change for the betterment.
However, in all honestly.... there are things that we do that hurt ourselves and our relationships. Often times we simply act as though we can't keep it real. We have all these fake personalities that are as false as our hair and make-up. We act as though we love to have sex....that is ....until we hook the man. We act as though we genially love to do the things that interest him....that is....until we hook the man. We have no problems with him hanging out with his boys or even inviting them over so that we can show our man and his friends how well we can cook...that is ....until we hook the man. We will often tolerate mama...daddy....sister...brother...cousin, baby, baby mama drama or whomever and whatever else....that is ....until we hook the man. We wouldn't dare wrap our hair in a dirty rag to sleep in all night or sleep all day until 12:00 in the afternoon....until we hook the man. Ladies....buy a nice wig and put it on your head over that rag....if you must....at least your man will see what he got when he first starting dating you. We wouldn't dare keep dishes in the sink or choose to not clean the house....that is ....until we hook the man. The fact is.... most of us .... simply change for the worst ....after we hook the man.
Let's face it....most men are predators and simply like a good chase. We need to keep our man chasing us! We should never get used to him....always want to please him so that he keeps his mind on us. That's what a woman does when she loves and desires to keep her man. If we keep ourselves looking nice and create a life with him instead of all around him....it will keep him wanting to chase us. Most men are visual creatures and they want us to look pretty....be soft....be confidant and please....be nice. We have no idea what his day has been like and although we may have had an equally tough one....just as we are looking forward to greeting our strong and confidant man who we want to feel, always has our back....he is looking forward to greeting his soft, famine...confidant woman.
Ladies, there is simply nothing wrong with fixing our man something to eat and waiting on him. Lets go back to some of the old school stuff...believe me it works and it doesn't take much. If they can do what it takes to please us....then we can certainly do what it takes to please them....because Ladies...if we don't.....there are plenty of other women out there....that will.
Lastly.... Please stop denying him sex. For some strange reason ....we... seem to somehow think that denying him sex solves everything or is a sure way to punish him. Believe me....in the end...you will be the one who is punished. Denying the most devoted man the simple act of sex...is a sure way to start him looking....even if he doesn't want to? One of the reasons why most men get married or choose to live with us, is so that sex, is not something they have to worry about amongst the list of other important things that he may have going on in his life.....especially with all the sexually transmitted diseases out there.
There is an old saying: Another woman's trash is another woman's treasure. Don't let some other woman have your treasure because you couldn't see past your self to appreciate him, thereby bringing out the best in your man because you weren't woman enough or cared enough about him to do so. Don't be a woman who is a master of the macabre who subconsciously wants another to take her man, because she can not see his value or worth. Let's be kinder, friendlier, gentler and more concerned towards one another.... as women and hopefully those feelings will spill over towards our men. We are much better able to help each other through these difficult times in our relationships if we are supportive of one another. Be a vessel that is far more than your man can ever image. For if we start respecting, caring and looking out for one another more....we are sure to forward that attitude towards our men folk thereby....allowing ourselves to be the intelligent, confidant, kind, gentle and beautiful women that we truly are and thereby keeping what belongs to us...with us and for us.
