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The trouble with getting older
is that everything heads south. That beautiful figure we had has succumbed to time and gravity
and this can really hit our self esteem, making us feel un-lovely which then affects our libido.
Our ego can take another blow if we see our partner ogling younger women instead of
us.
Once it was put down to
hormonal changes and the on-set of the menopause so drugs were often prescribed. Certainly,
there are influences that the menopause can bring, like the dreadful gaining weight, vaginal
dryness, leading to loss of desire as well as other symptoms. Yet the lack of sexual feelings
can be put down to a woman's perception of her body image, with very few women being unable to
pick out just one attractive aspect of their body. The usual response being 'If you had asked me
this ten years ago'.
This is often the underlying
problem, if you don't feel sexy, how can you act sexy? The media doesn't help either, as they
parade a host of perfect young beautiful things across their pages and on the screen. Even the
older women are perfect, but then they can often afford the total beauty thing, unlike the rest
of us who live in the real world.
As we get older we stop
talking about our problems with our girlfriends like we used to in our teens and twenties. Once
it was fun, now we feel embarrassed.
That can go for sex as well.
Once it was really exciting to do it in different places, now you feel more self conscious
because you feel you should maintain some dignity as you have grown up children or a career or a
certain social standing to maintain.
Spontaneity may have
disappeared because your dryness has inhibited you, this is easily cured by getting a lubricant.
These are readily available from supermarkets and drug stores and kept by the bedside, or, if
you're the adventurous type, in your handbag. When the children have left home you have the same
opportunities for sex that you had before they were born only now you know more. No only about
yourself but your partner as well and for the older woman, there isn't the problem about getting
pregnant.
Sensuality is about sharing
and communication, giving and receiving, so explore the sensuality of being together, take your
time and relax. Enjoy the intimacy of being together and talk to each other.
Try making sex fun with
different ideas, like dressing up, sex toys or just whipped cream. Have you got a fantasy that
you haven't tried yet?
Above all stop worrying about
it as this can be the biggest turn off. Concentrate on the sensuality, it may not lead to full
sex but it certainly very enjoyable and it is a great way to rekindle those sexual urges you
thought had gone forever.
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