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Why so many women in relationships where they feel compelled to "rescue" or "fix" their partner?
And we ask can it work?. Or should you rescue yourself first.
Warning bells should sound when much of your time and energy is spent worrying
/strategising/focusing on your partner. Keep a diary of your key feelings about your relationship,
and read over to see if you can spot a pattern.
Discuss your concerns about your relationship with your partner. How does he react? If he
rejects what you are saying, you need to make a decision. Do you want a one -sided relationship in
which you do all the giving and forgiving, and he is over-dependent? If he agrees to try and
change, continue the diary and see if there are improvements.
set boundaries. say clearly what behaviour is acceptable and what you will do when the
boundaries are broken. And stick to it. For example: if you go on another bender I will change the
locks and won't lie to your boss about why you're not in work.
Talk to other members of your family about your own childhood. What expectations did your
parents have of you? How did/do they describe you? What kind of relationship did they have with
each other? Without thinking for too long, begin a sentence "I am..." and finish it as you might
have, aged ten. What does this say about the image you have of yourself: is it positive or
negative, and does that fit with your current relationship patterns?
Think about your past relationships. Not just
sexual, but friendship and family interactions. have you acted as a life-support system in the
past? Have you accepted support in return? It is not our job to rescue or be rescued in a
relationship.
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