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"Sexual fantasizing is a natural, universal
psychological phenomenon similar to dreaming," says Wendy Maltz M.S.W. coauthor with Suzie
Boss of the newly released book, Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women's Sexual
Fantasies (New World Library, 2001). "And, like with dreams, some sexual fantasies are fun
and satisfying, while others may trouble us a lot." Maltz, a sexualhealth expert, encourages
women and men to learn more about sexual fantasies.
"The more you know about sexual fantasies, the more options
you have about what types of sexual fantasies you entertain," says Maltz. "Fantasies that
improve self-esteem and intimacy with a partner are usually the most
desirable."
The groundbreaking research behind Private Thoughts
shows that women experience an amazing range of fantasies, involving everything from sensuous
horseback rides to tantalizing chocolate eclairs to erotic encounters with sexy aliens who
arrive via spaceship. And women use sexual fantasy in some very clever ways to make
themselves feel sexier, reach orgasm, safely satisfy their curiosity, and even relax.
"Fantasy is like lavendar bath salts," confided a woman in midlife, "a little something
special I do just for myself to help me unwind."
One of the most poignant examples of the healing power
of sexual fantasy is shared
by a woman identified as Georgine in Private Thoughts. Recovering from a car accident that
left her paralysed from the waist down, Georgine used fantasy to get back in touch with her
sexual thoughts and feelings.
She gave her imagination free reign while lying in
tanning beds. Under the lights, I'd feel warm all over. I'd kind of drift into these explicit
fantasies. At first, they involved sensations that helped me relax. I remembered how it used
to feel to lie in the warm sun and feel cool blades of grass against my bare skin. Gradually,
I began to respond sexually. I would lubricate.
Then, I started creating the same feelings by imagining
myself with a partner." When she would have a particularly vivid fantasy, Georgine said, "I
literally felt the heat from my imaginary lover's body." Since she has embraced her fantasy
life, she has been reminded of how much she enjoys sensual, sexual energy, and how much
pleasure awaits within her own erotic imagination.
People who are confused about whether their sexual
fantasies are good or bad for them will find answers in Private Thoughts. Maltz provides a
list of nine questions a person can ask themselves to help evaluate whether, and to what
extent, a particular fantasy may be causing problems:
Does the fantasy lead to risky or dangerous
behavior?
Does the fantasy feel out of control or
compulsive?
Is the content of the fantasy disturbing or
repulsive?
Does the fantasy hinder recovery or personal
growth?
Does the fantasy lower my self-esteem or block
self-acceptance?
Does the fantasy distance me from my real-life
partner?
Does the fantasy harm my intimate partner or anyone
else?
Does the fantasy cause sexual
problems?
Does the fantasy really belong to someone
else?
Drawing on Maltz's extensive background in sexual
healing, the book devotes a chapter to healing unwanted or troubling fantasies that may be
the result of sexual abuse or unresolved psychological issues. Maltz also shares guidelines
for exploring fantasies with an intimate partner in a way that will enhance, rather than
harm, a relationship.
The book concludes with a delightful chapter on
creating favourite sexual
fantasies, and the reminder, As we know ourselves better, we become more free to
celebrate our natural erotic rhythms with whatever thoughts quicken our pulses and please our
hearts.
Read also
What is the G-spot?
How To Increase
Female Libido Successfully
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